Defence Against The Dark Arts With Professor Umino
by AvocadoLove
Summary: It may take all year, but Iruka is determined to teach these wizard kids a thing or two about how to defend themselves.
1. First Day At School

**Note: Someone challenged me to write a scene with Iruka becoming a professor at Hogwarts. It's just a oneshot, but it was fun to write. ;D Set during Prisoner of Azkaban.**

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****OoOoO**

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Iruka raised voice to be heard over the sound of the group of excited students. "Okay everyone, I want you to line up in front of the crates. Hurry up now, single file line…. That's it. "

There was a good deal of grumbling and shuffling of feet – Iruka mentally marked down the expressions of the kids most likely to give him the most trouble later. They shouldn't be complaining, it was only a little rainy this afternoon. Really, a shinobi would be expected to work in much worse conditions.

It was a shame these kids weren't ninja.

Finally the kids had arraigned themselves to his liking and Iruka plastered wide smile on his face, resisting the nervous habit of pushing up his forehead protector. This was his first class of his first term. He was determined it would go well.

"My name is Iruka Umino," he paused a moment, waiting for the traditional. 'Hello Iruka-Sensei' he got from properly polite classes. This group just stared at him, and after the pause Iruka doggedly went on, "Because of the, er, recent unrest, your headmaster thought it best that he bring me in. I'll be taking over your defense against the dark arts lessons until the end of this term."

There was even more grumbling about that. Iruka expected it – apparently their previous teacher had been popular.

One boy, blond with a pointed nose, sneered at him. "Iruka Umino? I've never even heard of you. Where's your wand?"

"Ah, yes. About that." Iruka clasped his hands behind him, rocking lightly on his heels. It was hard not to grin. "I'm not actually a wizard."

If there was grumbling before, it was a near uproar now. Several students shouted questions at him, but only one raised a hand. Iruka nodded to her. "Yes? What's your name?"

"Hermione Granger, sir," the girl said, crisply. "Excuse me for asking, but I had read that Hogwarts had spells and wards in place against muggles."

"Yes, that is true, but I am not a muggle." Iruka paused, "I am a fully trained shinobi." He received blank stares in return, so he continued, "My goal this term is to teach you that while your magic will allow you to do extraordinary things, you do not need a wand to defend yourself."

"This is ridiculous!" It was the blond sneerer again, and this time Iruka had definitely marked him.

"What's your name?"

"Draco Malfoy, and as soon as my father hears about this—"

"Then prove me wrong, Draco Malfoy." Iruka said, with a slightly crooked smile. "Hit me with one of your spells. If you can."

He expected the boy to hesitate – Dumbledore told him that these kids were not the trained killers Iruka was used too, and quite frankly they seemed a little soft. But to his credit, the boy had pulled out his wand without pause, casting a spell almost before the challenge had left Iruka's lips.

But an unprepared shinobi was a dead shinobi. In truth, Iruka had baited the class a bit, hoping for just this chance. His fingers flashed through the familiar seals.

"_Stupefy_!"

The spell hit the teacher dead center in the chest, throwing him flat back into the sodden grass. The moment his body hit ground, though, there was a puff of smoke, a slight pop and Iruka was gone. A log lay in his place.

And suddenly another presence stood by Draco. Some of the girls shrieked in surprise, but Iruka had already snatched Draco's wand away with his left hand, the right pressed the sharp tip of a kunai to the boy's pale throat.

"You missed." Iruka said, simply.

The boy made a choked, half gasping sound. His skin went from pale to deathly white in fear. Iruka took pity on the kid and stepped back… but kept the wand. He had to make an example out of someone in this class, but rudeness would only be tolerated up to a point. Draco would have to wait until after class to get it back.

Iruka strode in front of his students again, and this time he felt their focused attention. "Today I will be teaching you the basics of throwing a kunai. Please open the crate and pick up your weapon – No, no, not by the blade, please…."

Maybe teaching these wizards a thing or two would be good for them, after all.

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_~ Fin ~_


	2. Hall Monitoring No Jutsu!

**Note: This story is complete at two ficlits. Thank you.  
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**OoOoO**

"Ow! Ron, that was my heel!"

"Well it's not like I can see where I'm going under this bloody thing…"

"Be quiet! I don't want to be caught."

"Don't worry, the map said there's no one on this level, right Harry?... Harry?"

"Hold on." At that point, Harry had quite enough. He brought himself to a sharp stop, causing both Hermione and Ron to crash into his back, and Ron in particular to fall briefly outside the confines of the invisibility cloak.

While his friend cursed and ducked again under the cloak, Harry brought out his Marauder's Map and tapped it. A brief look assured him that Professor Snape was prowling the hallways, but a few levels down from their current position. McGonagall and Umino appeared to be in their own offices, respectively, and Dumbledore… nowhere on the grounds at all.

"It's safe," he said and reached up to tug the invisibility clock off.

Ron breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. I'm telling you, Harry, you have got to stop growing so much over the summer. Another year and we won't all fit under there at all."

Hermione craned her neck to get a glimpse of the map. "Is the way clear to the library. I don't—"

"WHAT ARE YOU THREE DOING OUT OF BED?"

All three wizards nearly jumped out of their skin. They spun on their heels, wands drawn –

Professor Umino stood there, arms crossed over his chest, that one vein left of his temple throbbing ominously. He had apparently snuck up behind them with no notice and no sound, with not even a wand to light his way.

iThen again,/i Harry thought with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, iThat was a ninja for you./i

"P-professor!" Ron gasped. "We were… ah…"

Umino scowled at the lot of them. "It's two hours past your curfew. Where do you think you were going?" But then his eyes fell to the Marauder's map, still clutched in Harry's fingers. Before Harry could wipe it clean again, it was snatched out of his hands. Umino's brown eyes raked over the map, taking in the details of Hogwarts, and the location of its occupants. "I see," he said, at last looking up.

Harry's heart felt like it had dropped to his knees. "We were just heading to the library, to get some reading done."

"In the restricted section, no doubt." Then, to Harry's complete surprise, Professor Umino folded the map back up and handed it to them. "All three of you have earned detention with me, next Saturday. And a foot-long essay on the basics of stealth." He glared around at the three of them, and Harry wondered briefly if they were in bigger trouble because they had sneaked out… or because they had been caught.

"Yes, Professor," they murmured, and, chastised, turned around to head back to Gryffindor Tower.

"I thought you said that there was no one around!" Ron hissed, once they were safely back in their common room.

"There wasn't," Harry insisted. "He was in his office when I checked, so he must have, I dunno, apparated."

"You can't apparate or disapparate inside Hogwarts!" Hermione snapped. "Besides, we would have heard the noise."

Harry scowled at her and reopened the map. There, again was a little image of a scroll and the name I. Umino, safely in his office.

Harry, Ron and Hermione all exchanged a look.

"This map is never wrong," Harry said.

Hermione shook her head. "But… he couldn't have apparated… could he?"

"Maybe he's just fast," Ron said at last, his tone ominous.

**OoOoO**

The professor silently stalked the three students, staying to the shadows, until they disappeared behind the painting of the fat lady. He probably should have trusted them… then again having lived through the separate terrors of teaching Naruto and Konohamaru separately had given him a certain amount of cynicism along with hair-trigger reflexes.

Then again, these weren't exactly genin-level students.

Smiling to himself, he held up his fingers and whispered "Kai!" before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

**OoOoO**

In his office, several floors down, Iruka paused from grading essays and blinked to himself as his chakra rippled and a wave of memories flowed to him. Then he smiled. Good. He would have assistance setting up targets for practice this coming Saturday.

The Marauder's map was never wrong… but it was never meant to track shadow clones, either.

_~ Fin ~_


End file.
